Dating during recovery from codependency Adult dating seattle

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Her experiences and her treatment taught her that a partner who could respect and support her sobriety would also respect and support her as a romantic partner.It is not an easy lesson for anyone to learn, let alone someone in recovery, but the way to a healthy relationship is to take it “very, very slow,” in the words of a sexoligist and licensed addiction counselor.Even for people who aren’t using anymore, and who consistently work the program, there is an unconscious identification with other addicts, to the point of seeking out romantic or sexual partners with substance abuse problems (either borderline or full blown).Part of the draw comes from the feeling of relapsing without actually doing it; a psyche that is still too strongly tempted by addiction can rationalize anything, including staying with a partner (or multiple partners) who are using drugs.For all the arguing and threats of breaking up, there was an edge, a thrill of being in that kind of arrangement.That feeling can be a drug in and of itself, one that is not found in sober life (and especially not in sober relationships).Furthermore, some people enjoy the feeling of dating someone with their own substance abuse problem, because it allows the person a sense of power (or even relief) at not being the “patient” in the relationship.For once, the attention – whether positive or negative – is on the other person.

A lot can change due to drug and alcohol addiction, and successful rehabilitation entails rebuilding a person’s life.Hence, the rule of thumb that people in recovery not date for the first year of their sobriety.The 33-year-old man who studiously stayed away from dating for the first six months re-entered the relationship scene as a fully committed and engaged member of his treatment program.Whether repairing the bridge to a spouse or romantic partner, or forging ahead with a new person, a sober person has to give the relationship a chance to develop.This may mean putting off intimacy for a (long) period of time until the partner has made a clear commitment to the relationship, and both parties are on the same wavelength; this may mean a lot of dates and meetings where there is minimal physical contact.

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